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jessparson
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Name: Jess
Country: Hong Kong
Metro: Hong Kong
Gender: Female
Interests: A little bit of everything: singing, writing, composing, sleeping, piano, walking, reading, scrapbooking, family, movies, cities, culture, decorating, cooking, creating, fashion, coffee, magazines, friends, yoga, music, writing letters, tea, life........... and beautiful people.
Occupation: English & voice teacher
Industry: Education
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
MSN: jessparson@hotmail.com
Member Since:
1/31/2004
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| This question has been on my mind for more than two years now. It seems as though I get to a place and then ask of God, "What now?" It first started when I was nearing college graduation; though I knew I wanted to go to HK, I did not have a job lined up until April. So I continued asking that question. Once I found a job, I enquired about where to live for the summer prior to moving... what to do with all my things... the need to sell my car... all the "hows." That became settled. I went to HK and my living situation was not what was planned or expected. I continued pushing the question: "What now?" Those issues continued, and I ended up moving to two different apartments. There was a need for supplemental income, and the question arose again. I found another job. Then I was faced with deep depression and lack of adjustment to culture. Suddenly the question became less of a question and more of a plea: WHAT NOW, LORD?
I made the decision to move home. Did the question, or plea, go away? Not at all. After purchasing tickets to the States, I had no prospective jobs. "What now?" I moved to Indiana in September, living with friends "temporarily." (Note: it is April and I still live with them. God bless them!) I attended a job fair and was offered a job; I took it. It required two months of training in North Dakota. Enter question: WHAT?!
I came back to Indiana and began questioning again. I have not been satisfied in my location for about two years. And I can't help but ask MYSELF: What now, Jess? What will you make of this?
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With that laid out, you now have the groundwork for what I truly wanted to address: the future.
There have been rumblings of my future floating through Facebook, and rather than explaining to each & every person, here is what is happening:
When I was hired with BioLife, I had the discussion with our regional manager of the training program and moving up into management. At the time, I was merely searching for a job, not a career path. However, six months into the job, I am discovering that this is, in fact, something I am pursuing. And am excited to pursue. Mostly. :)
As a good friend put it, this pleases my spirit. Does it please my flesh? Not completely. It is a bit terrifying (probably moreso than Hong Kong!), and it requires a lot of faith. But my spirit is rejoicing in the fulfillment of God's promises that are to come.
Some of you may know my desire to provide shelter for battered women or people in need; however, it is hard to provide that when you, yourself, are on the receiving end of someone else's live-in-our-basement program. I am so grateful for the Walterhouses and their generosity, but I know that I am called to be serving and my time of receiving is coming to an end. Not receiving from God (that is continuing in new and exciting ways), but from them.
Here I can see how God is providing these resources for the calling I have received. And my spirit rejoices.
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Practically speaking, here is what the future MAY look like:
*First interview was Monday. It went very well. Initial feedback was highly positive, with affirmation from my interviewer of my skills and ability to succeed in this program. YAY!
*I will wait for a call about a second interview. This would take place either in Appleton, WI or Chicago.
*Upon completion of a successful 2nd interview, I would (hopefully) be offered a position in the training program, starting MAY 4! SO SOON!
That would mean moving to Appleton, WI the first weekend of May. We're talking three weeks from Friday. YES.
So you can imagine the amount of praying and mind-wrestling I've done these past couple of weeks. It has been tiring, but these past couple of days, just resting in the will of the Lord, have been refreshing. Affirmation from Godly men and women in my life, from brothers and sisters who know ME and know GOD... how humbling it is to walk in step with people who care about us so much as to speak into our lives in powerful, intimate ways.
What truth. What freedom can be found in hearing Him. In KNOWING Him. In laying down our fear of knowing Him and of hearing Him. And in settling down with Him.
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Time for this weary mind to sleep. Keep me in prayer these next few weeks. If this path is unfolding in front of me, it will take some work to put those steps in place. It will be an exhausting couple of weeks, but I look forward to the adventure that lies ahead. Cheers. | | |
| I suppose now that it is past noon, my title is incorrect. But since I'm still in my pajamas and have done absolutely nothing productive today, I argue that it feels like morn, and therefore, in my mind, is. Sundays & Mondays are my free days. It's kind of nice to have half of Saturday, plus two more days off each week. This week was a crazy one, putting in overtime at work and falling in a heap of exhaustion on my bed yesterday. Good conversations kept my day flowing yesterday. Rick's sermon was quite powerful at church, hammering on the topic of forgiveness. Conviction city! Then a dear friend and "spiritual mom" took me to lunch at a great little Chinese cafe, where we discussed spiritual growth and other life events. I came home just in time for the 'rents to head out, leaving me with their two sick daughters. They're at a staff retreat, so I'm babysitting for the remainder of the weekend. So much for having a nice, quiet house to myself today like I'd planned! Rather, they've been ill, argumentative, and just plain crabby. Not my ideal day off, but I suppose such is life. I was able to finish preparing discussion for my Bible study on Tuesday night. We've been going through parables, and I volunteered to come up with questions and lead the group on the parables in Luke 15. I finished right in time to watch "Extreme Home Makeover," then wound up sleeping upstairs because one of the girls was upset, missing her parents. Enter: Nanny Jess.  For my own sanity, I watched a film on my laptop, pushing my sleeping time back to after 1am. Waking up at 7:30 was not my idea of fun on my day off, either. But again, such is life. A spontaneous trip to the library yesterday scored me 18 old magazines (mostly from 2007) from the library, most of which were Vogue, Harper's Bazaar, Glamour, & In Style issues, for only EIGHTY CENTS. That's right, kids. A freakin' steal! They're great for making cards. (p.s. I make cards out of magazines. And they rock.) So I've been occupying myself with skimming magazines and ripping out card-worthy material. Four magazines and only six pages of worth. Sad, isn't it? I have about five hours before I need to be anywhere. It's kind of nice. What is even better is that I only have two days of work this week before going to St. Louis for a very long weekend (Wed night - Sunday). I'm stoked. STOKED. God has good stuff in store, and I have no idea what it's going to look like. So I'm putting aside any expectations and letting Him do what He wants. Bring it on. | | |
| I think it's been a long day when you climb into bed and realize that your sock has been twisted nearly all the way around and you didn't even notice. The bruises from my IV have almost gone away. That makes me happy. Only one more week til St. Louis! I'm excited to see what God does on that trip. I'm hoping He brings clarity and a renewed source of strength. I feel so desperate these days for a "way out," however that is going to look. The problem is that I am too impatient to wait on Him to BRING the way out. Though a bit crazy at times, work was actually fairly pleasant today. As a 20-something single woman in a primarily male environment, you can only imagine the things that happen in my workplace. It's quite entertaining, really. I love the repeat donors, because you can build relationships with them. They become a part of your week, and it is nice to have that encouragement throughout your day. Well, one of my "regulars" was in today. But he is a NSSA (not-so-secret admirer). However, I also found out he's engaged. I thought it would ease my worries, but it didn't. He kept staring, kept flirting, and kept giving me the creeps. And he told an inappropriate joke. Does he forget that I have the power to blow his veins?! Payday happens tomorrow. I have every dollar accounted for, and it is all going somewhere. I just pray it covers everything it needs to. Last night I actually slept nine hours straight. This is probably the first time since my chest pain started about three weeks ago. What a relief. I'm gonna have to hit up the Tylenol PM more often, I guess. Do you ever just get tired of your own thoughts? actions? words? voice? That's me lately. I feel annoying. And if I'm annoying myself, surely other people want to throw me off the nearest cliff. Sorry, friends. I suppose those are the most interesting thoughts I have today. | | |
| I cried in my boss's office today. What ridiculousness. And the questions I came with were not answered but were replied to with excuses. I'm not sure how much longer I can take it. I read a quote today that God does not usually rescue us from our troubles; rather, He redeems the troubles we are in. Selfishly, I pray this is not true of my job. I am so frustrated with the work and a lot of the challenges surrounding it that I am desperate in seeking a way out. So I am praying that He DOES rescue me and brings me something more fitting to the calling He has given me, to my skills, and to where I can be an actual contribution to my environment. Who wants to feel worthless at the start and end to every day? "Not I," says the little red hen. | | |
| I didn't realize how much I missed writing. Somehow life just makes more sense when I process it in journal (or blog) form. And as addicted as I am to Facebook, I don't like everyone knowing my thoughts. When I do dare post thoughts on FB, I find people jumping to conclusions and questioning my entire life - and sometimes sanity! - because of one note posted. Do they not know that these are blog-type thoughts? After failed note after failed note, I have decided to renew my love for Xanga and keep my intimate blogging ideas to this website and not so public. The film "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist" was in the Redbox, so I decided it was worth a $1 rental. I wasn't expecting it to be a juvenile emo love story, but I suppose reading the listing would have at least hinted toward it. As cheesy as it was, it did make me smile. There's something about spending a night in NYC with someone you hardly know, searching for a band you mutually adore... perhaps it's the mystery of it all. The pursuit. Which brings me to the topic I really need to get off my chest: being pursued. It's no secret to many people in my life that I have a friendship with a guy from my church that is questionable. And by questionable, I mean the following: "What are we?" We are friends. That is established. But we hang out quite a bit one-on-one, and I've even met his family. A bit frightening, yes. Tell me about it. He shared with me that his mom really liked me and had nothing bad to say (which is apparently rare and obviously great for me). She also told him that she could tell I liked him; she told him not to break my heart, because I'm a great girl. Huh. Now, considering we are "just friends" (whatever the hell that means), I wonder where this need for her to tell him comes from. He's seemingly broken other hearts before? She can tell that he is leading me on? I have no idea. But in all of this I have come to the decision that I cannot be in a one-sided relationship. Not even friendship. There is such an imbalance in our friendship, and it is painful. I want to have friends that I can not only rely on, but that also pursue me. Not even romantically. But if I had to call my best friend all the time without her ever calling me first, what fun would that be? NONE. It seems he does not understand this. Pursuit. Something we all crave, desire, need. Not only in relationships, but friendships, as well. Is it wrong to ask to be pursued? Is it wrong to declare that what is happening is not enough? If I don't feel important, is that his fault? Or mine? So many things to work through. And I have no idea where to begin. But something must change. I believe pursuit is a big part of it. | | |
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